Created with photos sent by a friend, music from my HD Korean text coutesy Babylon 7 이 공원이 주의사당 도시에 있다 Attachment: A Park in Korea.pps
 | Jokes | Jul 15, '08 3:10 PM
for everyone |
Jokes I keep having my profile on that dating website "Match.com" rejected.
One of the questions is, "What do you want in a woman?"
Apparently "my cock" is not an acceptable answer.
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A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, "you've all got one minute to get out!"
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, "you c*nt!"
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Why are women like clouds? Eventually they f*ck off and it’s a really nice day
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A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back
to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat b1tch."
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My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and,
when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big f*cking red mark on her forehead.
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I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
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Zebo, a half blind five year old south African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes.
Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, its f*cking hilarious....
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I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks.
Bad Minton.
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "F*ck off, you won't bring it back."
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2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco
Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
"Crikey mate, that was impressive!"
"I get lots of practice" Replied the other guy. "My Wife’s epileptic"
Our environment is very fragile. This file was found online, it is based upon one town in Georgia USA but could easily be your own area. Take care. Attachment: Stormwater Discharges.pps
FREE KITTENS
Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to give away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign "FREE KITTENS" next to them. Suddenly a big line of big black cars came up with a policeman on a motorcycle in front. The cars all stopped and a tall man stepped out from the biggest car.
"Hi, little girl, what do you have there in the box?" he asked.
"Kittens" Little Suzy says. "They're so small, their eyes are not even open yet."
"What kind of kittens are they?" he asked.
"Democrats" says Little Suzy.
The tall man smiled, returned to his car and they drove away. Sensing a good photo opportunity, Sen. Obama called his campaign manager and told him about the little girl and the kittens. It was planned that they would return the next day, have all the media there and tell everyone about these great kittens.
The next day, Little Suzy is standing out on the corner with her box of kittens with the "FREE KITTENS" sign and the big motorcade of black cars pulled up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.
Everyone had their cameras ready and then, Sen. Obama got out of his limo and walked up to Little Suzy.
"Now, don't be frightened," he said, "I just want you to tell all these nice news people just what kind of kittens you're giving away today."
"Yes sir, "Suzy said, "they're REPUBLICAN kittens."
Taken by surprise, Sen. Obama said, "But yesterday, you told me that they were DEMOCRATS."
Little Suzy says, "Yes, I know. But today, they have their eyes open."
Tax return time A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and
then asks, "What is your occupation?"
"I'm a whore," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken back and says, "No, No, No, that won't work. Let's try to rephrase that"
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a moment and the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
"Chicken Farmer it is."
This previously unknown Michelangelo painting was just discovered in an Arkansas warehouse. Already, art experts are putting it's value well over a million dollars! 
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant.
She is furious... Here she's in the middle of her first run for president, and as Senator of New York this has to happen to her.
She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming; 'How could you have let this happen ? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant ! How could you? I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault! Your fault !
Well, what have you got to say?'
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.
She screams again, 'Did you hear me?'
Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says:
'Who is this?'
Old Texas Cowhand
An Old Texas Cowhand went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue Viagra pill.
The pharmacist asked 'How many?'
The cowboy replied, 'Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces.'
The pharmacist said, 'That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex.'
The old fellow said, 'Oh, I'm past eighty years old, and I don't even think about sex much anymore.
I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my new boots.
Baptizing a Drunk
A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?" The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus." The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus my brother?" The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus." By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again -- - but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?" The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
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"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk!
AMEN & AMEN
I HAVE NOW MANAGAED TO BEAT THE GLITTER GRAFFIC COMPANY. MY GUESTBOOK IS NOW HIDDEN UNTIL MULTIPLY CAN FIX IT FOR ME. SORRY IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY BUT I GUESS THOSE THAT SAW WHAT A MESS MY PAGE WAS IN WILL UNDERSTAND MY REASON FOR DOING IT. I WISH YOU ALL CONTINUED ENJOYMENT. SHOULD YOU WISH TO SAY ANYTHING PLEASE USE THE "PERSONAL MESSAGE SYSTEM TO DO IT. THANK YOU ALL. JOHN.
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